Just Plain Bill

The recording of my legacy begins…

When the end of the year holidays roll around, thoughts often turn to family or friends or relationships. At this time of my life, as I gracefully move through my “fourth quarter,” questions are emerging of what type of legacy I would leave when my life was over. I know the reality is that we are all building our so-called legacy with every decision we make throughout our life.

From time to time, I’ve read about leaders or prominent figures discussing what their legacy might be – what they’ll be remembered for. I don’t consider myself a fit in either the “leaders” or “prominent figures” category. I suppose I read about others because I’m curious how they define their legacy. When I consider what I might be remembered for, I immediately think of my children – my older daughter Karen, my son Carl, and my younger daughter Jessica.

I have been blessed with three children, the oldest off which has grown into an awesome mother of four perfect grandchildren, a loving and caring wife, a leader of a church music and educational program, and an involved parent of her children’s schools. 

My first child defined me as a parent and as a man. She changed my life. Her arrival brought all the joy, trepidation, wonder, hope, doubt, and fears that I carried living life…and I was living life in far different ways than before. My thoughts and actions were never to be the same, always to be defined by the title of “father.”

I struggle to find the perfect words to describe the happiness and pride I continue to feel as the father of Karen Ann Willis.

Dear Daughter,

You make the coming of a new year most joyous with your smile, your laugh, and your incredible commitment to service. Thank you.

Love,

Dad

(Coming in future posts, more about Karen, Carl, and Jessica.)

Just Plain Bill

Finally found a solution…

While it’s just a movie, I’d like to believe I’ve found a solution to one of the most vexing tendencies I continue to experience: L'esprit de l'escalier – the French term loosely defined as the snappy retort you think of just after the opportunity has passed.

The movie About Time is based on the premise that male members of their family have the incredible power to change history – to go back in time and either say or do something differently thereby changing what you said or did and what resulted because of your different choice. Cool!

I guess the core message underneath the glamour and wonder of the movie is to improve my retorts when the opportunity first presents itself. Sounds kind of clunky, but I loved the movie and I believe you will to.

Just Plain Bill

Seen on TV – Teacher promises students money for improving test scores?

If I hadn’t seen and heard it myself, I wouldn’t have believed that a teacher would actually say that to her class prior to their annual standardized test. The story was told to millions of viewers during the introduction segment of Jeopardy, at the break during the first round.

The teacher made that statement to demonstrate the generosity of her students. Upon earning their financial reward (nee bribe), the students offered to donate the money to the school’s charity campaign. Good for the students! Bad for the teacher.

While the students did the honorable thing by donating their “winnings”, I am blown away by that teacher’s simplistic approach to motivation. I would assign that teacher – and any others who feel that you can pay for performance – to read and write a 500 word report on Alfie Kohn’s, award-winning book now 20 years past: Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A's, Praise, and Other Bribes.

I guess that teacher – and too many others like her – feel the students must have been coasting or sandbagging on other tests.

Sad state of affairs!

Just Plain Bill

Old - What good is it to have lived a long life?

What good is it to have lived a long life if what I’ve learned is not being put to good use in the present? Thus starts a series of observations for my “Just Plain Bill” blog.

Of the world’s estimated population of 7 billion, approximately 87% of the 7 billion are younger than me. WOW! Not that age necessarily translates to knowledge, but there is some research that indicates that wisdom generally increases with age. More importantly, what a loss if that wisdom is not being shared with later generations.

Other than using the preface “when I was your age” to start the wisdom sharing process – an opener that is almost guaranteed to turn off the listener – I continue to search out opportunities to contribute; to add value in whatever way possible regardless (or because) of my age of 75. I started my last full-time job when I had just turned 70. I signed my latest consulting contract at 75 and a half.

Since I strive to maintain high levels of energy, creativity, and an entrepreneurial spirit, I intend to work until someone tells me I can’t. In fact, I’m presently developing two courses to teach for Davis (CA) Adult school. One is on the Virtual Office (as co-author of the Amazon Bestseller "The Virtual Office: Success Tools for Entrepreneurs and Small Businesses", written at age 75). The other is The Pitch – How to get Investors to Fund Your Ideas. If you’re in the area and have an interest, I’d love to have you join us. Classes start on January 7, 2014. (Private offerings can also be arranged by contacting bill.denyer007@gmail.com.)

To those of you with a wealth of experiences under your belt, and especially those of you advanced in chronological age just as I am, I challenge you to get out there and share the magic and joy you’ve accumulated. Make 2014 YOUR year to make a difference – for yourself and many others!

More on aging in upcoming blogs. 

Just Plain Bill

Are you fascinated by certain numbers?

For some reason, the number “11” has a special significance to me. Why, you may ask?

My last four residences over the past 16 years, both in California and Illinois, have totaled the number “11”. In fact, our recent “right-sizing” move to a 17^th floor apartment has an apartment number and street address also totaling “11”.

Although “11” seems to have a special significance, “13” is actually my favorite number, due to the fact that my mother was born on April 13^th – and on a Friday at that!

I know just a little about the so-called science of numerology. I’ve had great fun with the book You Are Your First Name, by Ellin Dodge. The book contains thousands of personal names with comments on one’s Major Talent, Personality Ingredients, and Personality Extreme – all based on the subject of numerology where each letter in the name is given a numerical value. 

Science? Fact? Questionable belief? Hocus-pocus?

What do you think?

Just Plain Bill

Who would have thought?

Have you ever had an experience that was incredible for you but you knew it would not mean much to anyone else?

Well, a conversation came up the other day while I was attending an annual meeting of the “Knights of Olde”.  The “Knights” are a group of 100-plus guys from my high school that had been involved in sports. It includes graduates from 1945 up to 1963 – the year our old school, Castlemont High School in Oakland, was torn down due to not meeting the earthquake standards for schools in California.

From an early age, I was a sports nut, although one without much athletic ability until excelling in wrestling after military service. I managed the football team (water boy), the wrestling team (wash the mats and hand out the gear), and the baseball team (batboy).

In my junior year, I went out for quarterback on the JV football team. Due to the kindness of the coach, I “made” the team as a 3^rd string, five foot, six inch, 125-pound QB. I loved the practices and logged well over four minutes of playing time over the span of five or six games…usually when the game was either already lost or we were so far ahead there wasn’t much I could have done to affect the outcome.

While my playing experience wouldn’t mean much to anyone else but me, I was blown away when another Knight –  a student who was one grade behind me – came up to me and asked, “Didn’t you play quarterback on the JVs?” Here it was, nearly 60 years later, and he recalled my brief and inconsequential football experience. Unbelievable that he had remembered…

I replied, “Yes, that’s true - and thanks for remembering.” In addition to being appreciative someone remembered an experience I didn’t think anyone but me would recall, I learned that we never can tell when something we do will be memorable for someone else. 

Just Plain Bill

“Youthanizing Winnie”

Is it possible to reverse, or at least slow the aging process?

I can say without any reservation that yes it is, and I probably wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t see it with my own eyes.

My wife and I brought my then 92-year old mother, Winifred (or Winnie as her friends called her) into our home after she had been living in a convalescent hospital for about eight years. Winnie’s mind was sharp, but her physical condition was somewhat compromised, having suffered congenital heart failure in her late 80s. Her mobility was limited and her use of a walker was iffy at best. Her hair had been thinning, her skin becoming porcelain-like, and she bruised quite easily.

After bringing her home, Winnie adjusted to her new home quite quickly. We hired a caregiver by the name of Manna for her. Manna spent weekdays caring for her basic needs and my wife and I took care of Winnie at nighttime and on weekends. Almost immediately after moving in, we noticed her hair was healthier and her skin tone was improving.

With bars on the walls in her room and the path to her bathroom, Winnie gradually learned to navigate her way to the bathroom all on her own. We watched her get stronger with each passing day. She was soon showing increased interest in our daily schedules and making requests for items she observed on her TV. One such request? A “Silver Bullet”! Yes indeed – a small can of Coors Light beer on an especially warm day!

My mom’s doctors were amazed at the ongoing reversal of the several maladies that anyone her age normally experienced. Some of her medications even had their dosage reduced. Doctor office visits became less frequent.

How could this be?

Just Plain Bill

My Time in Prison

After a competitive athletic event, what do you talk about with your opponent, who happens to be a prison inmate, especially after you’ve defeated him?

When I was a sophomore in college, I was a member of the school’s wrestling team. After our first match against military personnel stationed at a local naval base, we were given the rest of our schedule for the season. For the month of December, we saw two matches on the schedule against San Quentin Federal Penitentiary, just north of San Francisco.

I was taken aback. My teammates and I had a few questions about how that was going to work.  We learned that a former member of our wrestling team was the activity director at San Quentin and as part of his job, scheduled athletic events against local universities and athletic clubs.

While preparing for the visit to the prison for the wrestling match, we were instructed to not wear blue jeans, hats, or jewelry, but to wear a white dress shirt and tie.

When we arrived, we were checked in through the guard station, had our athletic bags inspected, and were then escorted to the athletic area. We changed into our uniforms and followed that with our usual warm-up routine. Our team entered the wrestling room, sat in chairs across from our competitors, and waited for the match to begin.

Being one of the lightweights, my match was the first. I admit I was a little more nervous than usual, but once the match began (and I got slapped on the side of the head and shoved around a little), it didn’t make much difference who my competitor was. The match proceeded like any other match until I won it with a pin in the third period. 

Following the match, we visited with a few of the inmates who came forward to chat. We engaged in some Q&A and then wished them luck prior to our departure. It was hard to know what to talk about. We would be leaving after the match but none of our competitors would. The inmate I wrestled, Marvin, volunteered what he was in for, and how much longer he would be incarcerated: he had committed two murders and said he’d probably spend the rest of his life in San Quentin. Hearing that news left me with an empty feeling in my stomach. I could say little except that I hoped to see him next year when we returned.

We had matches at San Quentin for the next two years as well and the memories have stayed with me. I did see and wrestle Marvin’s colleagues two more times. I’ve been blessed with a gift of gab I suppose, but I count these events in the handful of times in my life when words have escaped me. I believe that in spite of my loss for words Marvin appreciated having a connection with someone through our common interest in sports.  He also may have benefited from knowing someone spent some time remembering who he was. 

Just Plain Bill

“Bossy is better.” Give me a break!

It’s taken far too long for me to respond to an article written by Stephen Sauer in the Harvard Business Review: “Why Bossy is Better for Rookie Managers”, but, “better late than never” as the saying goes, as respond I must.

I’ve spent well over three decades working both in management development and serving as a manager in organizations of different sizes. From both research and experience, I’ve learned a lot about the various theories of management and practices that are designed to enhance the “getting things done through others” process. In all my research and experience, I have not encountered any theory or practice that encourages any manager – new or not new, rookie or veteran – to be anything other than authentic.  

The conclusion that a manager might modify his communication style to be more or less “bossy” with his subordinates strongly suggests that a new manager should be manipulative. This is contrary to establishing a straightforward, truthful coaching relationship with the team. A genuinely helpful relationship is fostered on communication with honest feedback from coaching questions like “How do you think you are doing/did/didn’t do” etc.

The first study the author refers to involves video-based observations by business school students. It ignores the intangible and critical dimension of an effective manager: the relationship between the manager and those managed. This crucial element does not transfer well to a two-dimensional video simulation.  

The cited second experiment, while attempting to establish different high- and low-status roles, includes participants who had no investment in successful performance.

The author’s comment concerning whether the results “seem counterintuitive” suggests that the findings are just that: not based on quality research and experience – or common sense!

Finally, the article uses the term manager and leader interchangeably. While similar, they are not at the same. More on this topic in a future blog.   

Just Plain Bill

Confused

Catch 1 fish, win a pole – Catch no fish, win a tackle box!

When I was seven years old, my father took me to a fishing derby at Lake Merritt, an inland lake near downtown Oakland, California. My experiences at that event and another derby the following year highly influenced my lasting feelings about effort and the resulting reward. 

The first year, I remember baiting my hook, throwing the line into the lake, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting some more. After what seemed like a really long time, there was a nibble on my line and my dad “helped” me jerk the line out of the water. I was excited to see a little smelt on my hook! We continued to fish for the rest of the day and then took my catch to the judging stand where they presented me with a bamboo fishing pole – the first thing I’d ever won.

The following year? Same place and same routine, but with different results. No fish were caught by anyone at the lake – a really bad year for fishing, but maybe a good one for the fish. At the end of the day, we reported to the judging stand where I was presented a shiny tackle box – which confused me.

After these two events, I believe I’d learned my first lesson of reward for effort, which surely has contributed to my upside-down perspective on motivation and consequences. More specifically:

·     “Reward or consequences are not always in sync with the effort, resources, or results that were invested!”

And now, over six decades later, I find myself living next to that very same lake where my fishy (though true) tale took place. Makes me feel that life is truly special and presents me with many wonderful surprises!

Just Plain Bill

Acknowledgement!

When I started my career in the business world back in the early 80s, I was introduced to two books: Corporate Culture, by Terrence Deal and Allan Kennedy, and In Search of Excellence, by Tom Peters and Robert Waterman. 

Coming from the not-for profit sector as a public school educator and youth worker, these books highly influenced my perspective and approach to my career as a learning and development consultant.

Over the past 30 plus years, I’ve been especially encouraged, educated and inspired by the works of Tom Peters. His website consists of a treasure trove (a phrase I love and save for the truly remarkable) of thought-provoking writing.

My most favorite of his writings was first read in 2012 and was titled Acknowledgement! In addition to some personal examples of receiving and gifting acknowledgement, he includes what he calls “caselets” about a variety of people responding to acknowledgement. The nine examples are golden, and are followed by “A Note About Body Language and Acknowledgement” – a must-read for anyone striving to influence the work and lives of others.

I’ll share two of my favorite quotes that Peters sprinkles throughout the 12 pages:

“The only true gift is a portion of yourself.”

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

“It is the burning desire for the creature to count.

What man really fears in not extinction, but extinction with insignificance.”

- Ernest Becker

I’d like to close with a suggestion from my editor and dear friend, Allyn Geer: “Mr. Peters reminds us that meaningful acknowledgment is not accomplished by words alone, but by the sincerity perceived “…by the incredibly complex way in which we attend to the person we are addressing.”

Whom have you acknowledged lately? There’s still time today – so just do it!

Just Plain Bill

“If I am what I do, if I don’t am I not?”

(Author unknown)

Last summer

Many years ago, I heard this Zen-like saying that stayed with me and seems so relevant to me at the moment. I’ve been out of a full-time job for over nine months now. I’ve been presented with the opportunity to take the very advice that I’ve so freely given to others over the years: “Note to self – get on the path for what you’d like to do – not be – in your next career.”

In my role as a corporate trainer and consultant, I’ve encouraged those with whom I work that they are much more than what they do. It’s a natural tendency to introduce ourselves by the title of our current job. This especially restrictive habit is all too common in both casual and networking conversations.

Without gainful employment…without a job complete with some type of title…it’s become a challenge to define who I am in a way that conforms to conventional wisdom.

I’m interested to learn how you addressed this conundrum if you were ever in the same position. Ideas welcomed!

Two months later

Stop the Presses!

Eleven months from leaving my last full-time job, I’m now employed in a full-time position on a short-term development contract. I wonder how my perspective will change now that I have a “what I do” to influence how I introduce myself, how I look at myself, and “Who I am?”

Stay tuned!

Eight weeks later

Next chapter in the self-reflection based on how “what I do”, influences “who I am.”

Finished the development contract and observed that I felt energized, motivated and responsible for adding value to an organization – which all felt good. But, now that the work contract is over, will that feeling of euphoria continue?

I’ve also been energized to organize a new endeavor, offering a wealth of developmental opportunities for the 275 residents of the complex where I live.

Once again, stay tuned! 

Just Plain Bill

My Dear Friend Steve

Most of us go through life experiencing health challenges of varying degrees. From the broken arm on the playground, to the flu bug that morphed into pneumonia. From the car accident with treatable injuries, to the all too common maladies – tonsils out, teeth straightened, acne treated, bunions removed – and so on. 

I’ve known my dear friend Steve since first meeting during an interview in the early ‘80s. From that moment, there was an immediate connection in spirit, values, and creativity. We also shared an active sense of humor.

Over the years, we worked together and we worked apart. We raised our families, stayed in close touch, but experienced some time without contact too. All in all, I’ve always considered Steve a dear friend, one with whom I could share both pains and pleasures, as we travelled our different paths to our relative success and fulfillment.

That sense of equilibrium continued unabated for about 30 years – until something changed. A few years ago Steve entered the hospital for what was supposed to be a routine appendectomy. During recovery, something major went wrong.

Throughout my life, I’d heard references to “code blue” – the announcement that calls “all hands on deck”…all available health care providers to provide immediate aid to a patient in distress. A “code blue” had to be called out for my dear friend Steve.

From the few details I was told, there was a problem with the closing of Steve’s operation, which resulted in the temporary loss of blood to his brain. While temporary, the condition resulted in an impairment of Steve’s cognitive process that has lingered to this day.

While I was out of work for nearly a year, Steve and I met regularly for breakfast. While enjoying the comforts of each other’s company and great meals, we shared some laughs, some fears, some hope, some apprehension, and more than a few tears.  During our breakfast chats, we talked through some tough subjects, like how much of my dear friend’s abilities had been impacted, how much was the same or on the mend, and how much might never come back. Although I’ve come to recognize that some of my functions and capabilities have been impacted by aging and the` passage of time, I can only empathize to a minute degree what adjustments my dear friend Steve must make as life goes on. We must adapt in our roles as the one who takes care of our families.

Steve has always been an incredibly gifted and talented writer and artist. I feel it is important that I share the personal reflections of my dear friend and his gift of this thoughtful verse.

I love you Steve!

The working class and a purple scarf -- January 2013

Most of my life

I’ve held up the roof beams

of our home.

My hands, at times,

bent

under the weight

of redwood.

I am blessed to be

part of the working

community---

those of us who labor

with mind or shovel

in the noon

of our own time.

Shoulder to shoulder

we have created

the painted walls

that have protected

our families.

But now my mind

has gone astray

hit by a loose

surgical bullet

that has robbed me

of my ability

to hold a blueprint

in one hand,

a people puzzle in the

other,

while re-wiring a problem

with the strands

of red copper wire.

My days of herding

belief, fractured facts

and people

through the narrow gate

are over.

Will I love myself

now that I can no

longer hold the roof beams?

Will those around me

see

this hidden failure

and hold my

name

in respect?

The precipice ahead

is high

with granite rocks.

I see the new land

below

with spiced apples

and a river

running like a herd

of blue gazelles.

Now is the time

to leap

or walk away.

If I only knew

the color of my soul,

the decision

would come

without the pain

of consequence.

Alas.

I am but a journeyman

In the realm

of unseen places

where truth

is wearing a purple scarf

and moving in the wind.