justplainbil

Just Plain Bill

“Mom-isms”

One value gained from writing down thoughts and remembrances from my years past has been the chance of recalling comments made by my mom. You may be familiar with “Yogi-isms”…comments made famous by MLB Hall of Fame catcher Yogi Berra such as “It ain’t over ‘til it’s over” or “You can observe a lot by watching.”

My mom had her very own unique set of “mom-isms”.  

These somewhat harmless remarks, usually a direct statement or an occasional “constructive critique”, provided a picture of the preferences and prejudices held by my mom as a result of her upbringing. Prejudices might be too strong a word, but her comments did often result in embarrassment – both for me and for her intended target. The embarrassment was immediately followed by the need to discount what she’d said, otherwise we risked it being interpreted as a put-down.

For example, when introducing a current girlfriend who happened to be an inch or two taller than me, my mom asked, “Have you been tall all your life?” Not sure how anyone might answer that but it certainly called attention to the difference in height between my girlfriend and me.

Another one fit the pattern of my mom always “speaking her mind”, with predictable, resulting embarrassment. While being examined by the dentist, my mom asked, “Did you enjoy your sandwich for lunch, as there were quite a few onions on it which I hope you enjoyed.” Even her questions were comments. It probably was no coincidence that during future visits to that dentist, most of the check-up was done by his intern.

On a visit to another health care provider, my mom was prescribed Estrogen to treat her feminine discomfort. When asked by the doctor if she had any questions, my mom replied, “Now that you’ve prescribed this drug, will you be prescribing me a man as well?” Oops!

You may remember that my mom was an artist. When I was quite young, I became aware how conscious she was of facial features. One particular feature seemed to get more attention than others – the nose. What I came to learn a few years later is that she used the nose as the means to reference or identify a person of Jewish decent. Although it’s hard to shake that “mom-ism”, at least it  failed to stick to my personality. To me, one’s ethnicity made and makes no difference, though it surely seemed to be an important distinction for my mom. I suspect this was most likely a product of the class-consciousness my mom’s family felt, having come from the turn-of-the-last-century lower class of English families.

The final experience I’ll share is a reflection of my mom’s resistance to ever be wrong, and involves yet another health care provider. My mom had worn glasses most of her adult life and had to go to the eye doctor on a regular basis. At every exam, my mom frustrated her eye doctor for the following reason: When the doctor or his technician showed her a comparison between two images and ask which one was clearer than the other, mom would usually hesitate, or preface her choice with a “kind of”, or “I’m not sure.” She was even overheard saying, “You’re trying to trick me.” As you can imagine, her need to never be wrong resulted not only in unnecessary frustration, but added many minutes to the exam as well. I now catch myself wondering how many incorrect eyeglass prescriptions my mom lived with over the years. She certainly wouldn’t have admitted her answers led to the wrong prescription!

Do you have your own set of “mom-isms?”