justplainbil

Just Plain Bill

Depression

How do you know you’re depressed? How do you know if you’re just having a bad day or that you’re just sad during those times when things don’t seem to be going well, in spite of being surrounded by strong evidence that you’re OK? You know that you “matter” – but you still feel like crap. How do you know the difference?

From what I remember about my growth and development during the impressionable years of my childhood, I did not receive much in the way of positive stokes of encouragement or praise of any type, except for the qualified statement, “not bad.”

Regardless of what I’d label as less-than-stellar parenting, I continue to feel that I turned out OK, free from dependence on any substance or excessive whining. One tendency that did develop and still persists is the need to “check-in” with everybody – especially my family and loved ones - to see if everything is “OK” with them. And, if not, I assume the obligation to try to make things better. I believe this is labeled as “caretaking”: feeling responsible for everyone’s happiness.

At this late stage of my life, I’m still working on turning off this tendency. Intellectually, I know this caretaking attitude is not healthy – for me or those whom I’m committed to “help” – but it continues to be a challenge to just let others “be” with their own stuff.

Perhaps it’s related to my subtle yet powerful need to feel needed. Not sure, but I continue to work on that challenge.

A related subject, “self loathing” may be connected in some way, but that’s a subject for a future blog. (Please let me just “caretake” you a little at this time.)

(<( ;- o)>)