justplainbil

Just Plain Bill

The Slow Passing of a Dear Friend

The Long Goodbye is a 1953 novel by Raymond Chandler. “Long Goodbye” is also a phrase that Nancy Reagan used in describing the onset of Alzheimer’s disease that her husband, President Ronald Reagan, eventually succumbed to.

I’m experiencing my own “long goodbye” to a dear friend, a man of my own age, “PJ” a/k/a my “Bunk”. While sharing time in Iwakuni, Japan while on duty in the U.S. Marine Corps in 1958, we also shared an up/down bunk. We’ve been close ever since, even though we’ve lived on opposite coasts of the country.

PJ has lived a robust, energized and creative professional life, serving as professor of choral music at the University of Delaware and as director of the Delaware Singers, a professional choral group. He helped raise a beautiful daughter, Anne, who also happens to be my Bunk’s physician and mom to his three beloved grandchildren.

My wife and I surprised Bunk for his 70^th birthday. We flew to Delaware and amused him with several pictures of his Marine-Corps self during our time together in Japan. We also brought along music we both enjoyed, from the late 50s. We were blessed with being born at a time when our mandatory military service came when our country was not at war.

So here we are in 2014. Bunk was diagnosed with premature dementia about two years ago and his condition has deteriorated steadily over that time. I visited him about 18 months ago and we made daily visits to Dunkin’ Donuts, reminiscing over the exciting times we shared in Japan. When I returned about three months ago, it was evident his short term remembrances were erratic, but his long term memory was still there. I was so very grateful.

I primarily stay in touch with Bunk through Anne, as he’s not been able to answer or return phone calls. I pledge to continue to send my friend boxes of Harry and David pears, which he really enjoys.

I just wish there was more I could do.

Although Bunk’s condition reminds me of my own mortality, it’s caused me to stop and count my blessings of relatively good health and memory. I am grateful to have both so that I can continue on with a passion… a purpose in life that Bunk and I shared – teaching.